Since the appearance of mankind, virginity has been an important part of cultural and religious traditions. A virgin is associated with purity and honor and has been highly valued throughout history and in many cultures. In a male dominant world, virgin deflowerment, without any doubt, has been considered a trophy to men and anything from a gift to utter disgust, to women. Contrary to what the majority thinks about the subject, it has become to be seen as a largely controversial one as it seems to be losing its traditional meaning and importance nowadays. It is because of this grand difference of how virginity and devirginization is perceived that it is very important to understand what it is, before the sentiments of men and women who consider themselves as being virgins and will devirginize themselves are examined.
THE AMBIGUITY OF VIRGINITY
We all were virgins sometime and some of us still are
Virginity for most, as seen today, is a temporary state that will end with the first sexual intercourse. This concept of virginity ending with penis entry in the vagina, has recently been challenged by members of various LGBT groups that recognize the act of having sexual intercourse as something distinct to penis introduction within the female sexual organ.
It is argued that since gay men, for example, do not penetrate the vagina, then virgin deflowerment must be understood as first time anal penetration. Similarly, a lesbian woman may consider initial oral sex as an act of devirginization. Nevertheless, the perception of “virginity loss” is different from group to group and even from person to person within the same group.
In the above paragraph, you may have noticed that virginity loss is placed within quotation marks. The reason for this is that there is another argument involving the word “loss”. Some women (and probably people from other sexual identity groups also) find this word annoying at the least and even down right offensive as they contend that they never lost their virginity but rather let go of it when they didn’t need it anymore. To actually lose a part of one’s vital functions insinuates defeat and mishandling as there is no hope of recuperating it, leaving women in a handicap position that demonstrates irresponsibility. Obviously, not a very comfortable position to be in for the rest of your life, even more so if nothing out of the ordinary has occurred.
Another thing that has also come to doubt is the mere existence of virginity. Although it has always been considered as a state of purity, many modern day scholars do point to the fact that there is no medical change that can be recorded on account of “virginity loss” or of sexual intercourse for that matter. If the hymen is to be accounted for as proof of virginity, there are many women that are born without one, to begin with. The hymen has a hole at its lower part which begins to slowly tear due to various activities, many times from early childhood. Yes, it does tear during sex also but that doesn’t necessarily mean that just because there was penis penetration, it will tear completely. Many times it won’t and will finally tear after various intercourse sessions which in some cases, may be quite a few.
From a psycho-social point of view, again, there is no significant change in maturity when virginity is “lost” but there are various changes in how peers treat each other, mostly due to “implanted” and directed behavior from a hyper-sexed society and not because of a real change in the person that experiences the “loss”. In the western world as a matter of fact, virginity has come to be seen as a burden between young people who, many times actively look for the right partner to discard their virginity with while at the same time it is saved, avoiding penis penetration and preferring oral sex instead that doesn’t result in its “loss” and therefore doesn’t “count”. Maybe it’s time to re-examine the whole concept of virginity and what it means to us, if it means anything at all in modern western society as well as possible changes in sex education.
PLEASURE AT THE PRICE OF SURRENDER AND CONTROL
Women may feel hesitation and excitement about their first time. The doubts and insecurity that a young girl may experience are very natural but at the same time horrifying. Thinking of the moment feels awkward and is capable of making her feel like she wants to run away. Yet, she derives pleasure from the thought. Maybe the uncertainty, the chill it causes inside, the thrill it invokes, makes her wait. She waits and in waiting, allows herself to be seduced. She wants to surrender but not under whatever terms, which increases the doubts and creates a vicious cycle up until the moment manifests. She is seduced and at the same time is the seductress.
There are many virgin deflowerment stories going around. Most of them are solitary experiences which when made public, mutate into myths. The extreme pain and barrels of blood accounts are abundant but definitely exaggerated. This doesn’t mean that there is no pain or blood. For some women the experience can have both but it cannot be generalized. There are many ways to prepare for the special moment and many women are reaching out for information to learn how to make it more pleasurable and a memory they are going to want to keep and cherish. Of course, not everybody’s first time is the same or leaves the same taste but some women are more apt when it comes to handling the situation, climbing on top to have control of unwanted thrusting and pumping instead of just lying on her back, thighs wide open, for example.
After the “loss of virginity” there may be many feelings that a newbie woman experiences. She has a clearer vision of her first time sex partner which may not be so agreeable to her desires. Many times these relationships tend to wither away after first intercourse. Some women may have a sense of liberation after their deflowerment and others may feel a sort of shame, mostly according to how each one has been raised. Again, sex is natural. Like walking, sleeping, etc. There is no reason why memories of a not such a great experience should persist. Time heals and unsavory sexual partners will most always be discarded.
Things don’t change very much when it comes to first time gay sex. Of course, there is the taboo aspect that has to be shaken off first but most times, this has already been done before the actual moment arrives. Also, there are people that are consciously aware of their diversion from the social main stream, making it easier to take the decision and yet others that have already practiced heterosexual sex and sort of just succumb to their “other” instincts. But being gay or bi doesn’t really change the first time experience whilst the mere idea of the “forbidden fruit” may actually enhance the contact. It is a matter of the right choice of person and pacing the way that will allow enjoyable sex to evolve.
WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU MAM…REALLY?
It is said many times that men have it easier than women when it comes to their deflowerment. That they never regret having sex with a non-compatible partner, that they don’t feel pain and even, that they are more experienced than women. These are big misconceptions.
In many ways, men enter the field with pretty much the same disadvantages. They lack experience and are anything but sure of themselves. While they may not have to think about bleeding from their genitals, having to cope with their partner’s possible blood loss and pain is of no lesser concern. It’s no small issue entering a young woman’s scarcely lubricated, tight vagina. The skin around the penis pulls down until it feels as if it were ready to tear away from its points of attachment, resulting in a very uncomfortable and painful situation. This is true even when wearing a condom which wise, copulating couples always sport.
There is however one grand difference between men and women which is not due to gender preferences, debilities or feelings towards devirginization but a social factor which practically dictates the way the two sexes “should” feel among peers. Men are destined to “do it” while women to “lose it”. Between the couple which is going to fornicate for the first time, the masks most of the time, drop. But once out of the bed they shared, a man has the right to brag about his conquest while the woman has “lost” something she will never be able to regain. This also is not true but the treatment towards males is in a way, preferential. It is something that does not help toward a better sexual orientation and understanding as it confuses ideas, mixing old gender beliefs and traditions. Luckily, this behavior is losing ground in younger generations and hopefully, sooner or later, will disappear.
In bi and homosexual preferences, things are many times better defined even though this may sound out of place. Because of inexperience, which is natural in all sorts of first time sex and the doubts implanted by social ignorance of none opposite sex relationships, there is a tendency for better communication between couples. To be able to talk about fears and inhibitions with the person you are going to surrender your virginity to, is a fantastic way to experience great first time and not only sex. In various confessions that non heterosexual couples have granted, there seems to be a greater understanding of emotions and expectations of the person who is to be initiated to sex. Having guidance in these first steps is invaluable.
GAINING FROM “LOSING” IT
The learning process
Whatever the sexual identification a person may have, it is very important to discard the myths and predestined ideas that make themselves viral in the initiation ages. Getting access to valid information is imperative to avoid bad experiences. With such abundant sources of information in our world, it is incomprehensible to see that mistakes that were common in years gone by,continue to haunt young people today. “Losing” one’s virginity should be the beginning of a wonderful sexual life without regrets about badly taken decisions that may lead to pain and even disease. Responsibility is the key word in virgin deflowerment. It is the surest way to enjoy the most important sexual experience of one’s life which will allow for the evolution of a content adult.