Adding someone else in bed may not be such a bad idea if a couple is beginning to get bored of the sex they are having. Many times married people just sort of slow down when it comes to expressing their passion. One of the most frequent fantasies in “bored” couples is the third person in bed who can be of whichever gender and may fluctuate within the fantasy. It may also be another couple or even a transgender person. The trio may practice strict heterosexual or bisexual sex where one of the two members of the couple indulges in being pleased and/or pleasing the added person. In general, the combinations and amount of participants may vary according to the couple’s preferences. This practice is known as “swinging” or “wife swapping”, “husband swapping” and “partner swapping”. Either way you name it, it all comes down to a swingers’ lifestyle.
According to experts, the concept of swinging was born, in the 19th century with the “free love movement”, with a peak of popularity in New York, in the decade between 1915 and 1925. In the 20th century, it has been originally recorded practiced between U.S. air force pilots during WWII who, having a high mortality rate, reached agreements to leave a companion pilot to take care of their wives’s emotional and sexual needs as well as the economic backing of the family, in case of death. During the 60s and 70s, swinging or wife swapping as it was then known, became more commonly practiced due to the Free Love / Flower Power movement. Another surge in swinging occurred in the 90s with the expansion of the Internet and it has been generally observed that with the improvement in medicines that confront sexually transmitted diseases more effectively, more people practice this type of sexual encounter.
Couples should not enter a swinging lifestyle because they are experiencing problems in their relationships. Contrary of what is actually believed, this would almost surely not solve the problem and would most likely do the opposite, with a big chance of separation being the result. A couple has to know each other well before inviting someone else to their bed as this can destroy all there is between them. Once the decision to begin to swing is taken bilaterally, a couple can begin to explore sexual and most importantly, social feelings without the binds of love and morals that are passed on to us through our education and upbringing.
However, as in any perfect story, there is a problem! Most couples search for a female partner first as it may feel safer or even more fun. And well it could be, which brings us to the law of supply and demand. Bisexual women are known as “unicorns” and are the most searched for type of partner in the world of swingers. A unicorn, as you probably know, is a mythical animal. Like a unicorn, bisexual women are not easy to find but unlike one, they are hardly mythical and they can be found. But it may take some time. Unicorn women involved in the swinger lifestyle, tend to receive many petitions from people who want to have sex with them because they please both partners. When the wait turns out to be a little bit longer than expected, the couple who wants to enter the lifestyle urgently, most of the time due to its novelty, usually turns to other couples.
There are many types of relationships between couples. The way each partner treats the other is usually different from one couple to another. There are couples that are very monogamous in their relationship and there are others who don’t feel that having side flings is such a bad idea. Likewise, the same differences exist between swinger couples. Some couples don’t like or even accept that their partner couple “sleeps” with other couples. Apart from the difference in sexual behavior between couples, there is a very good reason to not accept that their partner couple messes around with other couples and it’s called STI.
Yes, sexually transmitted infections. Adding people to your bed also raises the possibility of getting infected as there are now three or four people involved. With sex, it’s very important to play it safe. Lust may be contagious and disease most certainly is. There are many who prefer a “soft swap” to a “full swap” as the latter involves penetration, raising the chances of infection. Of course there are condoms but you can never be too safe. Others, prefer to have sex between their own partner in the same room with another couple that is also having sex with each other. There are other couples who like to just watch or to be watched. As in any normal relationship, there are many colors and tastes to choose from.
Swinger is one thing, bisexual is another. Just because you like having sex with more people, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re game to anything. As mentioned above, the “unicorn” is in high demand within the swinger world which implicates that the participation of women in bi-sexual roles is almost a norm or at least a cool “extra”, not saying of course, that all women are bisexual or that they all actually do take this role when swinging. But it definitely is not so with men. Most times in classified ads, it is mentioned that the man is 100% straight. Many couples avoid others where the male partner has participated in a bi-sexual foursome even if there was no contact between the male members. In swinging, homophobia is definitely a subject, as well.
While according to the Kinsey Institute there may be en estimated four million swingers only in the U.S., it’s not like everybody announces themselves as swingers to others. Most swingers do not want that their sexual preferences be known to their working environment, family or friends. Therefore, there is a secret that has to be kept. Fortunately, as the number of swingers is big and growing bigger every year, there are many swinger clubs where lovers of this particular lifestyle can take shelter.
Swingers are a part of main stream society that, to the extent that they have been researched and they haven’t really been in recent years, prove to be more conservative than one would imagine. According to U.S. demo and psycho-graphics, swingers on an average have 14.1 years of education, tend to be in white collar positions and earn more than average salaries. These people generally reported an increase in happiness and a strengthening of their bondage to their partners after entering the swinger lifestyle. In a 2008 study conducted by The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, most respondents (globally) stated that they engaged in swinging activities at least a few times each year.
But then, what is the real number of swingers in the United States? Well, that may be a little difficult to answer as the anonymity of swingers makes it really difficult to find and follow, let alone count them. For the sake of having a number to comprehend the amount of people within this lifestyle, let’s do some numbers. If we take the estimated 4% of the total population as the swinger population, which may not be so correct because of the small amount of studies made recently, and multiply it by the latest U.S. census, we arrive at a whooping 13 million people! And that’s only in the United States. The global numbers are even higher of course, with an estimated 50+ million swingers! Now, isn’t that a swinging world?
There are several other sub-lifestyle groups such as cuckolding and polyamory, just to mention a few but as they tread the fine margin of the definition of swinging, we’ll leave them be for the moment. All in all, it’s a brave new world with a lot of “coming out of the closet” to be seen in the years to come. Acceptance has been slower than the LGBT groups but then again, we don’t see Swinger Pride anywhere…yet. In an ever fluid world, things are bound to change. Until then though, I would be very interested to come up with a list of swinger clubs around the world and a good start is by asking you to participate in the comments section of this post. So, if you can, please add the clubs you know of below. You don’t have to actually be their client but we all know where things are in our town, don’t we? I’m sure there are people out there who practice a swingers’ lifestyle and who would really appreciate the information!